


Bon Iver

by floatingeclipse



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Cold Weather, Dream (Clay) | DreamSMP, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, Karl's POV, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Song: Bon Iver (mxmtoon), Song: Sweater Weather (The Neighbourhood), Song: Wishing Well (Cavetown), Song: singing a bop about falling in love with your best friend (Rory Webley), discord calls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28311513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floatingeclipse/pseuds/floatingeclipse
Summary: Karl Jacobs struggles with winter weather; only the thought of his friend, Nick, keeps him warm. With small misheard moments and Karl's spotify replaying one song, his heart starts to blossom more for Nick. The only problem is the distance keeping him from telling his best friend the truth.As the music starts to fade, he hears the soft ukulele plucking begin to play.Every passing minute is a thought of you not in it…He winces, gripping his phone tightly, scared to look at his screen again. As he pulls it out, he stares at the screen, blinded by the sudden light.I can’t find familiar without you…He curses under his breath; first Sweater Weather, now Bon Iver. He can’t escape how he feels. He presses the pause button, sitting up and resting his arms across his knees. His upper left arm is covering his mouth as he tilts his hand to show his screen.As he watches it, ready for it to fade back to black, he jumps at the sudden ringing, dropping his phone in the sand. He curses at himself again, stumbling his hands through the sand as he grabs his phone back up and quickly answers the call.“Hey!”------inspired by the song "Bon Iver" by mxmtoon
Relationships: Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 67
Kudos: 233





	1. Sweater Weather

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't share this fanfiction to the CC's! I'd probably die if I found out Karl or Sapnap ended up reading this. If for some reason it does end up being seen by the Dream SMP, then I will continue until the fic is done, but I'd just prefer it not! I know asking it to not spread is doing nothing, seeing how you know what ended up all over the place, but I'm confident my work won't be found.
> 
> If you do see this and enjoy it, please do let me know! I'd hecka appreciate it! <3

The cool, late autumn breeze brushes gently against his exposed skin.

_All I am… is a man…_

He looks out over the dark expanse, pulling his hood up to help cover his ears.

_I want the world in my hands…_

He checks his phone again, turning it back off instantly when he sees there’s nothing from his friend.

_I hate the beach, but I stand…_

He takes another step towards the deep water, the reflection of the moon teasing him; as if even the moon had a partner when he couldn’t get one.

_In California with my toes in the sand…_

Ocean Isle Beach looked much more beautiful at night. As the wind blows, turning the tip of his nose red, he looks out at the North Carolina sea and feels oddly safe. He stands there for a while, just watching the waves crash and simmer away, like an argument that suddenly led to silence.

He checks his phone again.

_It’s too cold for you here…_

He sits on the beach, staring at the message thread.

_So let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater…_

He slips his hands and his phone into his hoodie pocket, laying down onto the beach as he sighs.

As the music starts to fade, he hears the soft ukulele plucking begin to play.

_Every passing minute is a thought of you not in it…_

He winces, gripping his phone tightly, scared to look at his screen again. As he pulls it out, he stares at the screen, blinded by the sudden light.

_I can’t find familiar without you…_

He curses under his breath; first Sweater Weather, now Bon Iver. He can’t escape how he feels. He presses the pause button, sitting up and resting his arms across his knees. His upper left arm is covering his mouth as he tilts his hand to show his screen.

As he watches it, ready for it to fade back to black, he jumps at the sudden ringing, dropping his phone in the sand. He curses at himself again, stumbling his hands through the sand as he grabs his phone back up and quickly answers the call.

“Hey!”

“Hey…” he hears from the other end of the line. His friend’s voice is filled with the aching hollow sounds that fill your vocal chords after an hour of screaming and crying to yourself. He can still hear the slight whine in his friend’s tone, but the voice causes him to bubble over.

“How are you?” He kicks the sand nervously, smiling to himself.

“I guess I’m good… how are you?” The agitation is still there, but he bites his lip, hoping he can save the situation.

“Well, I made it to Ocean Isle. I’m just standing here on the beach, staring at the stars.”

“You always love to stare at the stars, huh?” His face flushes as he feels his heart race. Does his friend… pay attention? “Karl?”

“H-Huh? Oh um… yeah, I love the stars… Why?”

“I was just asking, no reason to get all flustered.” He hears a chuckle on the other end.

“I-I’m not flustered, Nick…”

He can hear him roll his eyes on the other line as he sighs, “Whatever you say, Karl… I can hear you blushing through the phone.”

“I’m not blushing, it’s just cold outside and that’s why my face is red.”

“That doesn’t even make sense! I said I can hear it, not see it!”

They both chuckle, done with their silly argument.

“Go to sleep Karl… it’s 3am for you.”

“Nick, it’s 2am for you, you go to sleep too.”

“Maybe.”

“For me?”

There’s a pause on the line as Karl smiles, patiently awaiting the response he always loves to hear.

“Fine… you’re lucky I love you.” Karl catches his breath.

“What was that Nick?”

“I said just because it’s you… like always?”

“Oh, okay…”

He chuckles, “Goodnight, Karl.”

“Goodnight, Nick…”

What was that? Did he hear it? Or was he imagining things? He could have sworn Nick said “you’re lucky I love you,” but maybe he just… heard it because that’s what he wanted to hear.

Karl collapses back into the sand, mumble singing his version of Sweater Weather to himself.

_“Use the sleeves of my sweater… let’s have an adventure…”_

He giggles to himself, rolling over in the sand, onto his stomach, as he stares at the black of his phone screen.

_“Head in the clouds, but my gravity’s centered…”_

He watches the screen light up, a text from Nick. His stomach flips, his heart jumps, and he blushes at the thought of what might have been said.

_“Touch my neck, and I’ll touch yours…”_

He rolls back over onto his back, tracing his hand along his neck, thinking of kissing his friend softly, stealing his breath away much like Nick had done to him tonight.

_“You taking me on a Houston tour…”_

He stares at the goodnight followed by a purple heart for a few moments before sending one back in return. _Goodnight, sleepy head._ He texts before sending an orange heart back in return.

_“He knows what I think about… and what I think about… one love, two mouths, one love, one house…”_

He smiles to himself, standing back up. As he looks back over to the floating moon, shining bright in the sky and in the reflection of the deep blue water, he knows he at least has a friend in Nick; even if it won’t be a partner.

_“No shirt, no blouse, just us, you find out… nothing I really wanna tell you about no…”_

He pulls his hood back over his head, holding his hands in his hoodie pocket as he walks away from the water, blushing at the thought of holding his friend closely.

_“Cause it’s too cold… for him here…”_

He thinks of the Texan heat.

_“And now… so let me hold both your hands…”_

His face flushes at the thought of holding Nick’s hands.

_“In… the holes of my sweater…”_


	2. Wishing Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't share this fanfiction to the CC's! I know that if it gets too popular it might be seen by them, but I'd like to hold off on that for as long as possible! <3
> 
> Please read the end notes!!!

He woke up the next day tangled up in his blankets. As he sits up, the cool morning air grazing his skin, he stretches and rubs his eyes. With a sleepy gaze, he grabs his phone to see a text from his friend. Yawning, he opens the message to see a good morning text followed by a purple heart. He sends his good morning text in return then gets up out of the warm tangle of sheets and blankets.

He looks in his bathroom mirror, running his fingers through his hair. He brushes his teeth then splashes water in his face before drying off his hands and heading over to his pc. He turns it on and grabs his hoodie, slipping it onto his arms as he opens Discord.

He glances at his phone, opening to his conversation with his friend, as he notices the little bar at the bottom _typing…_

As he glances back up to his computer, he eyes the bar then quickly glances back to his phone. And he continued like that: back and forth between his phone and his computer, as if one would be different than the other. His heart thumps, the anticipation growing.

His heart stops. The bar has gone away. What had his friend wanted to say?

It pops back up, a smile forming over his face. As it goes away again, little white letters appear, reading _Hey! You up for a Stream?_

He sends a quick response back, _Yeah sure!_

He starts his stream and puts his Spotify on shuffle as he greets his fans and starts talking to his friends in the vc. The people in the vc are Karl, Nick aka Sapnap, Dream, George, Tubbo, Toast, Corpse, Sykkuno, Minx, and Schlatt.

_Every passing minute is a thought of you not in it…_

He jumps and quickly skips the song before turning back to his friends. Not this again, not Bon Iver.

“You okay there, Karl?” The warm voice makes his heart skip, a smile forming on his face.

“Yeah, Sapnap, I’m fine.”

“You skipped that song pretty quick… I thought you liked Bon Iver?”

“Yeah, Karl, it plays a lot on your Spotify.” A concerned voice pipes up, as Dream joins in. "Your Discord status says it quite a bit..."

“Because I hit shuffle and it insists on playing all the time.” He says abruptly, clearly wanting to change the topic.

“I love this song,” Sapnap pipes up as he starts to sing along to the song. _“Did it hurt when you fell down my wishing well?”_ Karl’s heart skips a beat. _“Did you find medicine? Did your heart strings swell?”_ He covers his mouth with his hand as he feels the warmth from his heart spread to his cheeks. _“Do you see me in your dreams?”_ Karl closes his eyes, letting his mind wander to an image of his friend. _“Convince yourself that this is happening.”_ Karl’s mind drifts to the night before, the echo of his friend’s voice saying “I love you”. _“Or did you forget everything?”_

Karl takes a deep breath, resting his hands on his keyboard and mouse. “What are we playing?”

“We’re gonna play Among Us with proximity chat.” Dream responds.

“Alright,” he smiles as they get ready to play.

As the game begins, they all go their separate ways. Karl runs over to admin to swipe his card, then down to shields. As he passes comms, he hears a faint singing. _“Do you see me in the street? Does PDA make your heart sing?”_ The singing fades away, and Karl stops in his tracks for a moment. His mind races, wanting to hear Nick sing again. He looks at the stream comments then back at his screen, contemplating whether he should risk any hint at the adoration that he holds for his friend. He turns back around and heads to the entrance to comms to hear Nick’s voice and let it bubble around in his heart. _“And who are you kidding when you say I’m worth your time? I saw you crying cause of me, it made me lose my fucking mind.”_

He smiles to himself as he walks back over to shields to do his task. Something about his voice always makes him feel better. It’s a sweet, warm honey that soothes his throat. It’s the warm water flowing against your skin as you finally take a shower after a stressful day of work. It mesmerizes and calms him. Somehow.

The stream continued on, Karl’s face lighting up every time he heard Nick speak. After a few hours of arguing and raging, all in good fun, Karl decides that he should hop off.

“Come on, it’s still early! Why do you have to ruin the fun, Karl?” Minx says in her Irish accent, dragging out his name.

“Yeah babe, why do you have to ruin the fun?” Sapnap pipes in.

His heart stops. His face flushes. The word echoes in his brain, a tingling sensation flowing through his body as his eyes widen and he looks over at the screen.

He covers his face with his hand, staring out at the discord call.

“W-What did you just say?” He stutters out, shocked and out of breath.

“Yeah Karl, why do you have to ruin the fun?” Sapnap repeats, confused but dragging out the words like Minx does.

“O-Oh. Nevermind. But um yeah, I gotta go!” Karl smiles, uncovering his blushing face as he chuckles. “I’ll talk to you guys later!”

He quickly leaves the vc, saying bye to his stream. He clicks to the tab opened up to Sapnap’s stream and listens in.

“How do you feel about Karl and what would you say to him if he was struggling?” Sapnap reads off, chuckling to himself. He smiles, his face flushing a slight pink as he looks at the camera and smiles. "Karl is the type of person that you would give the whole world for. He always puts others first and has a lot of love for his friends. I’d tell him that I’d be his knight in shining armor, protecting him from everything else in the world. He deserves that much at least.”

Karl’s heart races, a smile forming on his face as his cheeks flush redder. “He’s also hot.” Minx pipes up, the sarcasm clear in her voice.

Sapnap chuckles, nodding as his face reddens. “Very hot.” Karl pauses, staring at the image of Nick on his screen, smiling and blushing as he turns away from the screen.

“H-Hot?” Karl gulps, barely realizing the ukulele strums and the soft singing that accompanies them.

_“Everytime the lighting changes, the whole city rearranges…”_

His eyes go wide, glancing over to his Spotify, staring at the play bar. A few moments pass as he soaks in the words, scared of the effect the truth might hold on his conscience.

_“I can’t find familiar without you…”_

He blushes, closing his eyes. As he opens his eyes back up, he skips the song, biting his lip. Then he looks back at Sapnap at perfect timing to watch his eyes look back at the camera.

“Karl, your stream says your camera is still on and you’re watching me and blushing. They also say Bon Iver started playing again. You skipped it again. I’ll talk to you soon, take a nap and get some rest, I’ll talk to you later.”

Karl’s face is filled with shock as he watched Sapnap say goodbye to his stream. He quickly turns his camera off, then mumbles the lyrics softly to himself, accepting the truth and letting it sink into his heart.

_“Do you see me in your dreams?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Follow me on twitter at floatingeclipse to see any updates on the fanfic! I just made the account to have a separate one from my personal account. So far, I've had good feedback, and watching the hit numbers climb has honestly made my week. I was so anxious to go ahead and get the next chapter out and wish you all a happy new year, that I chose to post this right at midnight my time!
> 
> I hope you all have had a great 2020, or at least as great of one as you could, and I hope 2021 is even better! We've got this if we stick together (or 6 feet apart lol) lots of love! -Selene
> 
> P.S. I have this idea where, if I get a big enough following, I could do poll like things randomly where if I come to a crossroads in the plotline, I'll just post a poll that says option 1, option 2, option 3 and I'll know which choice was which, but you guys blindly choose the direction it takes. Tell me if you'd be into doing that! <3


	3. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl's day changes when he realizes he accidentally texted Nick the lyrics to _singing a bop about being in love with ur best friend_ by Rory Webley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill, don't share to CC's, but I'm sure I won't get that popular anyways so we should be fine~

_What if I told you that I liked you more than friends do?_

He raises his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes awake.

_Would you overreact then say hurtful things, call me names, beat me up, but then kiss me back?_

He sits up, glancing around the room before he spots his phone. He groans, laying back on his bed and reaches his hand over the side, grabbing his phone that had fallen to the floor.

_What if you’ve been lying your whole life, too?_

His eyes slightly widen as he lifts his phone to his face.

_What if you’re too scared to make the first move?_

He sees the time. A message pops up.

_Would you thank me for being brave? For ripping off that band-aid?_

His heart thumps, a message from Sapnap.

_Or would you hate me for how complicated I’ve just made it?_

He reads the words, his heart dropping. _Twitter is obsessed with me calling you hot… isn’t it annoying how the smallest thing can make an outburst?_

_But sorry I can’t spend another night talking about people that you like._

He holds his pillow close.

_Pretending that I’m fine, living in a lie._

He glances at the contact photo.

_Cause when I’m looking in your eyes, you make me feel okay._

His heart races.

He sings the next line softly, letting it resonate in his heart.

_“You’re the only one that’s ever made me feel that way.”_

Before he can think, he types the next line in the text box.

_”So, what if I told you that I liked you more than friends do?”_

His heart thumps, realizing too late that he hit send.

_Would you overreact then say hurtful things, call me names, beat me up but then kiss me back?_

He watches the typing bubble appear and then fade away.

_Would you kiss me back? Would you kiss me back?_

The words bubble up in his heart: _Yeah right, then they’d be flooding twitter wanting you to kiss me._

His heart swells, the image popping into his head.

_”Would you kiss me back?”_

He smiles softly, savoring the moment, putting his phone down. Groggily, he stands, the blankets falling to the floor. It was only a few hours after the stream, but he had already become undone.

He didn’t want to accept that he had fallen for Nick, but laying in his bed, tossing and turning for hours, there was a soft pull that lured him back to the pictures of his friend. Back to the folder on his phone of random Sapnap screenshots that he held dear to his heart.

He walks over to his pc, pausing the music he had accidentally left playing before he took his nap. He glances back at his phone, a familiar feeling tugging at his heart. The feeling of regret bubbles up as he realizes too late that the message was sent, the whooshing sound echoing in his ears. Pure panic rushes through his blood.

He watches the screen, ignoring all other sounds, as he stares at the solid grey letters: _Read, 1:11pm._ His heart catches in his throat, his mind spins, why would he say something like that? Why?

Why?

Why??

_Why?????_

Before he can answer himself, he sees the bubble appear, three special dots, telling him that everything would be okay; Sapnap would answer him, and it would be okay.

Except this time, the dots had another plan. Just when he felt like he had comfort, the three familiar dots went away, leaving Karl with nothing to calm himself.

The tension begins to boil over, the anticipation and frustration bubbling up in his veins. When had he started to feel so strongly for Nick? When did the love of him as a friend turn into this… whatever you want to call it? This… infatuation?

Whatever had come over him, he needed to snap out of it. He splashed water in his face, ignored his notifications, and watched Netflix until it was around 8 at night. When he glances at his phone, he notices a few missed calls and texts from Nick.

He checks his voicemail, the worrying lump in his throat growing bigger in anticipation.

_”Karl are you okay? You went silent, and I know sometimes people need some space, but if you need me, I’m here. I’ve tried calling you and… I know it’s probably nothing and you just needed to cool off because of something or you just fell asleep and took another nap, but I’m just really worried about you, bubs. Call me or text me, we were hoping you’d want to play Jackbox tonight. Love you dude.”_

Without hesitation, he opens up Discord to see his friends messages, all concerning whether or not he was okay. He shoots a quick text to each of them, _“Hey, I’m fine, don’t worry, I just passed out again earlier. I heard it’s time for Jackbox?”_

Everyone gets excited, happy to know that he’s okay, and ready to play some games with him. He turns Spotify back on as he starts his stream, pulling the hoodie over his head as Rory Webley continues to play from his speakers.

_I’m staying up late tonight._

He glances over at the clock, 8:20 reaching closer to him, as he waits for his friends to join the call.

_Trying to find the right time._

His heart races, thinking of what he could possibly say to Sapnap to explain why he hasn’t read the paragraphs that he previously sent.

_To tell you, but man am I afraid to._

The familiar chime of the Discord call scares him, causing him to glance over to see who joined.

_This night’s just the same, playing video games._

His smile quickly fades, a shocked expression washing over him as his mouth dries, anxiety taking the best of him.

_Eating junk food, like we always do._

“Karl?”

_And I know that if I-_

“Hm?”

_Open my mouth, that things would change, they won’t stay the same…_

“Are you okay? You’ve been a little off lately…”

_I’ve played this out a thousand times inside my head, but I’m still scared…_

The familiar chime pings.

_But sorry I can’t spend another night talking about people that you like._

“Hey Sapnap! Hey Karl! Who else is joining?”

_Pretending that I’m fine… living in a lie._

The chime echoes in his ear.

_Cause when I’m looking in your eyes, you make me feel okay._

“Karl, are you sure you’re okay?” Karl’s eyes dart over to Sapnap’s face, the lovingly green circle surrounding his smile.

_”You’re the only one that’s ever made me feel this way…”_

“What?”

_”So what if I told you that I liked you more than friends do?”_

“Ugh Karl, not this. I told you already-”

_”Would you overreact then say hurtful things, call me names, beat me up but then kiss me back?”_

“You want me to kiss you?”

_”Would you kiss me back? Would you kiss me back?”_

“Karl.”

_“Would you kiss me back? Would you kiss me back?”_

He continues singing, ignoring his friend. 

_“Would you kiss me back? Would you kiss me back?”_

“Karl, damn it, sure I’d kiss you back, happy?” 

The final line flows, slower than the rest, his heart racing, confused as to whether or not Sapnap’s words were a joke or genuine. 

_”Would you kiss me back?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My twitter is @floatingeclipse so follow me there for constant life updates from me! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please leave me some feedback, I was working really hard on this for a while. I had some writer's block every now and then, but overall I really enjoy how it turned out.
> 
> At the time that I'm posting this, Bon Iver currently has 388 hits. That's. Absolutely. Insane. To me. I never thought we'd get this far, but I'm so proud of it, and I hope you all continue to enjoy the fanfiction! I love you all <3


	4. ...For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl accepts his true feelings during a private call with Sapnap. This chapter is inspired by (and uses the lyrics from) falling for you by peachy! ft. mxmtoon so please check it out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not share this work with the CC's! Read the end notes and make sure to follow me on Twitter @floatingeclipse to get updates and interact with me! <3

His heart thumps in his ears, shock setting in, and he realizes he still hasn’t spoken.

“You’d kiss me back?” His voice is barely a mutter, his eyes widened slightly at the picture, waiting for the green glow to shine and comfort him.

“Yeah, bro, I’d kiss you back.” Sapnap chuckles, brushing it off. “Let’s see Twitter go off on this one.”

Karl laughs too, his flushed face draining back to normal, as his heart slowly edges back down. “I might need to get a ticket to Texas, then.”

“Or I could come back to North Carolina. You could take me to Ocean Isle.”

Karl smiles, the comforting warmth washing over him. "Do you think you could handle a winter in North Carolina?"

"Oh please, it can't be worse than a summer in Texas."

"Whatever you say, Sapnap."

Their warm exchanges continued to flood his heart, making him smile and laugh during the whole stream.

Throughout the past few weeks, he only thought of Sapnap. His dreams had begun to fill with soft late phone calls, a sleepy voice to wake up beside, cute loving walks, and star gazing. He couldn't even go back to the beach for the rest of his trip because he kept daydreaming of Nick. His arms crossed, looking out at the waters, he imagined his friend's warm and comforting arms wrapped around him. He imagined his head rested against Nick’s, holding him close.

Karl suppressed his feelings, letting agony take its place. It wasn't until today, when he finally accepted his feelings, that he felt so free. It was like he was suddenly weightless, but he knew it wouldn't last long. It wouldn't be long before he had to confront his friend and tell him how he felt.

As they said bye to their streams and ended the call, Karl watched the green glow stop, along with the image fading of his best friend's face. His heart sunk, instantly missing Sapnap’s voice.

_I was hanging with you and then I realized…_

His smile grew, his face flushing, as the words sunk into his heart, the acceptance flowing through his bloodstream.

_I didn’t think it was true, I was surprised…_

He hums along, accepting each word as truth.

_When I found out I’d fallen for you…_

He turns the volume up as he pushes his chair away from his desk.

_I didn’t wanna believe my feelings for you…_

He slowly stands, stepping away from his computer.

_I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you…_

As his phone’s familiar text chime rings, he looks down.

_If I told you just how I felt…_

It’s a message from Sapnap.

_But I can't help it…_

He opens his messages.

_I'm falling for you…_

He sees the paragraphs.

_And I can't quit it…_

His eyes graze down to the new message: _“Hey…”_

_'Cause I'm stuck on you…_

The horrifying three dots pop up.

_And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical…_

As his friend sends another message.

_But I just want to be with you…_

His smile fades. _“Can we call real quick, we need to talk.”_

_Please tell me, boy…_

His heart races.

_Can you get a clue?_

His breathing becomes shallow.

_Or come through 'cause I just want to be with you…_

What does he need to talk about? Why’s it sound urgent? What’s in those unread paragraphs?

_I'm scared…_

He scrolls up.

_Of telling you how I feel…_

He starts to read them. _“Hey, Karl. I need to talk to you about something.”_

_Maybe it's better if I just try to conceal the truth…_

He pauses, rereading the sentence.

_For me and for you…_

His screen goes black before lighting up again.

_But I'm still stuck on you, ooh, ooh…_

He panics, staring at the green and red buttons.

_I, I'm still falling for you…_

He presses the button, putting his phone to his ear. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

_For you…_

As the song fades out, Karl steps back over to his pc and closes Spotify.

“What did you need to talk about?” He mutters, the fear showing through in his tone.

“Did you read what I sent you earlier?”

“No, ” he pauses, stumbling over his words before finally forcing a sentence out. “I started to read them just now, but I only read one sentence before you called.”

A sigh is heard on the other end of the line. “Oh.” Karl sits back down, the weight of what’s about to happen crushing down on him, holding him by his throat.

“What is it?” His voice comes out a shallow breath, like he’s lost all power behind his words.

“It’s just something we need to talk about, but it can wait. I wanted to check on you, ya know, see how you’re holding up.”

He sighs out a breath of relief, “Oh, okay. Yeah, I’m doing good, I was just listening to music.”

He hears a faint chuckle, “Yeah, thanks for today. Twitter is already insane with #Karlnap trending.”

He smiles, “Seriously?” The calm wave of comfort washes over Karl’s body as he finds his safe space in Sapnap’s words. He starts scrolling through his Spotify playlist on his phone. He pauses when he sees the words falling for you by peachy! ft mxmtoon in front of him.

The two of them speak at the same time, like their thoughts are synced but their words tell different stories.

“I’m sorry… what did you say?” He hears his friend say.

He laughs softly, “I said there’s a song I want you to listen to.”

“Then send me it, I’ll listen to it right now,” he smiles, his heart thumping in his ears.

He hits send, the lyrics echoing in his ears once more.

_I’m still falling for you… for you…_

As he waits for his friend’s return, his heart thumps louder and louder in his ears.

“Hey, I’m back.”

He smiles, the warmth of his friend’s tone washing back over him. “What did you think?”

“It’s a good song and definitely fits you, but it’s just not my vibe, ya know?”

His heart sinks, the shock setting over him. He didn’t realize that the song was meant for him. That he is falling for him. “Yeah, I get that,” he clears his throat, “so what did you say when we spoke over each other?”

“We need to talk about the whole Karlnap thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed, please leave me some feedback to wake up to <3 I sincerely appreciate every single read that I receive on this fanfiction, and I'm so proud of how far it's come.
> 
> You guys have seriously turned my dream into a reality.
> 
> //TW: executions (when it's over is marked)//
> 
> The reason why I posted this a day late is because of the recent executions. In honor of Dustin Higgs and Corey Johnson, I planned to refuse posting on the scheduled days of their executions. Next week, we will be back to normal upload schedule (aka Fridays), but please do whatever you can to save the rest of the innocent people on death row. Sign petitions to abolish the death penalty, sign petitions to free these people, spread awareness, send emails, call, etc. Do whatever you can to stand in solidarity with them.
> 
> \\\TW: over\\\
> 
> Please remember that this is a safe space. If you need absolutely anything, do NOT hesitate to send me a message on Twitter. I follow everybody back, and I will always respond as soon as I get a chance to. I love you all and I appreciate you. Please stay safe and stay strong, I'm proud of you all.
> 
> Have a lovely night, bubs <3 You deserve it


	5. I Don't Know...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a horrifying conversation with Sapnap, Karl finally has to read the paragraphs he had sent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the idea of you by mxmtoon so please please please show her some love!
> 
> Also, the formatting of this chapter was a suggestion by @enderpee on Twitter aka the one and only Goff, who's an amazing person and you should all show them some love as well <3
> 
> Please don't share this to CC's!!

With that one sentence, Karl stopped thinking. His heart started to echo in his ears, his throat grew a lump. He tried to swallow it back, to form words, but he couldn’t think. Everything became an echo; his heart, his breathing, his friend’s words, even the lyrics he tried so hard to ignore.

_Playing Bon Iver on late night drives,_   
_My window, moon, and fireflies_   
_Holding onto moments that we found_   
_Even when the sun goes down…_

He could hear his friend’s voice speak up. As he tightened his eyes shut, trying to swallow back the lump, his voice came out a soft whisper, faded out in his thoughts of pain and fear. “W… I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“We need to talk about the whole Karlnap thing sometime. Now, if you want, but I kind of already gave my opinion in the texts…”

The echo of the lyrics continues, as he tries to force them away; the song had been haunting him for weeks, continuously appearing out of nowhere to remind him of his feelings.

_I still look for pieces_   
_Of home but it decreases_   
_Fading like a t-shirt left to dry out in the sun_   
_It's too much time to spend alone_   
_Crunching numbers on my phone_   
_Wondering when our stars will meet again_

He nods slightly, biting back any form of fear in his tone. The thumping of his heart gets louder as he tries to take a deep breath, but the water from his eyes starts to force the lump in his throat to grow larger. “We… um… I actually have to go,” his words come out a panicked rush, “I have to um… do something, but I’ll read the messages.” He chuckles awkwardly, hoping it sounds decent enough for his friend to let him go.

“Oh okay, well I love you dude, be safe.”

He stops, stunned, as he feels his cheeks warm. “Thank you, I um… I love you too, Nick… Please be safe, too.”

The beeping of the phone call was both a blessing and a curse to Karl; yes, he was scared, terrified even, but he missed his friend’s voice, and it was the only thing keeping him calm on most days. He grabbed his earbuds, switching over to his Spotify, hoping for soothing music to keep him calm.

_I don’t know…_   
_If I’m in love with you_   
_Or the idea of loving you_

He smiles softly; maybe mxmtoon was right, maybe he didn’t know if it was love or the idea of love, and maybe whatever Sapnap had to say would be okay.

_It’s unclear…_   
_I mean I used to feel so sure_   
_I might just be immature_

The soft words and music flooded his ears, leaving him feeling calmer as he switched back over to the message thread. The long grey messages cause the lump to form back up, but he forces it back down with a nervous swallow.

_I’ve been…_   
_Stuck on you for so long_   
_That it’s hard_   
_To tell myself I may be wrong_

He smiles softly, biting his lip. Her words were right; maybe he’s convinced himself of this, and if so, then whatever Sapnap had to say wouldn’t be able to hurt him for too long.

_About_   
_The way that I feel for you_   
_For so long I would squeal_   
_Over a single text from you, you…_

He chuckles softly to himself; yeah, mxmtoon, exactly that. The squealing, the excitement, the flushed faces; whether it was him imagining it, or if it was his true feelings, he knew he needed to read the paragraphs before thinking anything else.

Since the music kept distracting his thoughts, he quickly paused it before sitting down in his bed; prepared to read whatever his friend needed to say.

_“Hey, Karl. I need to talk to you about something.” The dreadful sentence had stopped Karl in his tracks once already. He swallowed his nervousness back, and continued to read. “I really like joking around with you and everything, but Twitter has gone insane at this point. I mean, have you seen it lately? Everybody takes everything that we say so seriously, as if we’re actually flirting with each other. I mean, I know that sometimes we say some bold things, but they’re just just jokes, and everyone takes them way too far.”_

Everything inside of Karl broke, as his phone slipped between his fingers and landed on his bed. He stared at the words, reading them over and over, as he watched his tears caress his screen. He coughed, clearing his throat, as he continued to read. He sniffles, wiping his tears away with his sleeve.

_“You know I love you to death, and I know you love me too, we’re best friends, after all… but I hate that I can’t just vibe with my friends without having to hear about how cute it would be for me to date one of them, you know? They’re all like ‘oh my god karlnap would be so cute’ like yeah, we know, we get it, but can we not flood chat with it? Can I please just log onto Twitter without seeing any fanart of me kissing my best friend?”_

He swipes away from the messages, hitting play on his song as he curses under his breath. Gripping his pillow tight, he mumbles along to the music, letting his tear drops stain the soft fabric.

_‘Cause it’s not love_   
_When you don’t talk anymore_   
_And it’s not love_   
_When I never meant something to you_

_So why did I  
Ever catch these stupid feelings  
I knew when you told me I was cute  
That I was dreaming_

_So now I’ll try  
And tell myself  
My feelings have no meaning…  
They have no meaning…  
They have no meaning…_

He softly sniffles, trying to let the words caress his heart. Hoping for some kind of solace in the music, he glances back at the message thread, almost unable to continue reading.

He skims the next message, his heart aching.

_And it's not love  
When I was the only one who's waiting  
And it's not love  
When there was no chance of you saying  
I love you too  
I love you too_

_“I love you Karl, I really do, and yeah I think you’re a great guy… but since we’re not dating or anything, it kind of sucks seeing how much people ship us.”_

His heart skips.

_“I mean I just want to ease off a little, ya know? Just so they don’t keep freaking out as much… I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore, but just…“_

The music continues, his heart fluttering.

_And I don't know  
If I'm in love with you  
Or the idea of loving you_

_It's unclear  
I mean I used to feel so sure  
But I might just be immature_

He smiles softly, sending a quick text back, _“I get it Nick, I love you too <3”_

He wiped his tears from his face as he realized that there was still hope. His face flushing red, he reread the words from his friend, realizing just how much he must care about Karl to type it all out.

_I've been  
So stuck on you for so long  
That it's hard  
To tell myself I may be wrong…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder to follow me on Twitter @floatingeclipse to keep up with me and the fanfiction! I always follow everybody back and interact a bunch to people <3
> 
> I can't believe we hit 1,000 hits... It's absolutely insane and I love you all so much. I seriously appreciate all of you! I'm sorry for being so emotional in this chapter, I just woke up and CHOSE violence lol!
> 
> I love you all, drink some water, and take care of yourselves!!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Selene <3


	6. Losing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl's slumber mixed with the angst in his playlist make him wonder if Sapnap could ever really love him.
> 
> This chapter is inspired and uses the lyrics to Losing You by boy pablo <3 I've had it on repeat for a week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not share with CC's!! Also, be sure to read the end notes <3

The tune awakes Karl with a jolt, gasping for air. He groans, slouching back onto his bed as the music continues to play from the speakers of his pc.

_It's too much time to spend alone  
Crunching numbers on my phone  
Wondering when our stars will meet again_

He groans, rolling over as he puts his pillow over his head. “Not right now, let me sleep please…”

_Maybe when the sun goes down  
Still know my world goes ‘round_

The music lulls him back to his slumber, the warmth of Sapnap’s smile blooming in front of him from the darkness of his eyelids.

“Karl! God, I’m so glad to see you,” he rushes over, wrapping his arms around his best friend.

“Nick! You’re here!” Karl chuckles, holding him in his arms.

Their warm embrace lasts for a while, neither wanting to let go, as Karl rests his head on his friend’s shoulder. His warm breath blows against Sapnap’s neck, as his hold on Karl tightens. As they finally pull away from their warm hug, Sapnap looks into Karl’s eyes.

His heart skips a beat as his face flushes red, his eyes drifting along his friend’s face, before landing on his flushed lips, parted into a smile.

“I can’t believe I’m finally seeing you again,” Sapnap chuckles, looking away from his friend, the cold air touching the pink of his cheeks.

Sapnap’s eyes drift down to his hands, as Karl glances back over. His mind floods with the thought of his friend’s soft plump lips pressing against his, eager for the taste of his lips and the touch of his hands entangled in his hair.

As he takes a deep breath, suppressing his imagination, he feels the warm touch of Sapnap’s skin as his fingers tangle up with his, pulling him a little bit closer. The close feeling of Sapnap’s breath on his skin makes Karl shiver, their fingers intertwined, as his eyes drift down to the soft sultry pink that flushes Sapnap’s lips. Karl’s mouth quivers, craving the taste of his best friend’s kiss.

As he glances back up to his friend’s soft brown eyes, he feels Sapnap’s hand graze along his jawline, as he’s pulled closer. His lips almost touching his friend’s, he feels their breath intertwine, the intimacy of being so close making him blush, but the urge to close the space making his heart race in anticipation. “Nick,” he whispers softly, “I love you…”

Their lips touch, Sapnap gently pressing his to Karl’s as his hand pulls his friend closer. Karl melts at his friend’s touch, running his fingers through Sapnap’s hair as their touch warms his heart. The butterflies in his stomach rushing upward, causing his heart to flutter with adoration, their lips pull apart.

“Karl,” Sapnap whispers back, “I-”

_How would you feel if I walked up to you one day  
And ripped your heart out?_

His eyes slowly open, blinking slightly to adjust to the light in his room. He groans, “I was so close… so close to hearing him say it.”

_How would you feel if I said to you  
That's how I feel you're treating me  
That's how I feel that you're treating me_

All at once, he’s flooding with remembrance. “Can we not flood chat with it?” Sapnap was annoyed with the idea of them dating. He had said “as if we’re actually flirting with each other”, meaning everything Karl had thought was real… wasn’t. Near the end of his long rant, he said “we’re not dating or anything”... maybe he knew that Karl thought it would be nice to… maybe that was his way of turning Karl away before he even asked.

_'Cause I feel like I'm losing you  
Oh, how can that be true?  
I know you want me too_

His heart drops, is he losing Sapnap? He glances at his phone, no texts or calls. It’s one in the afternoon, he would have messaged by now normally.

He frowns, opening the message thread from the night before. Nothing. He checks Discord. Nothing. He checks his call logs, just to be sure. 

Nothing.

_And how would you feel if I walked up to someone else  
And ripped their heart out?  
How would you feel if I said to you  
That's how I feel_

He touches his lips, the soft touch of dream Sapnap’s lips left a bitter taste in Karl’s mouth. “He doesn’t love me…” He frowns, looking down at the message thread once more. He tries to call, but it goes straight to voicemail. He fakes a happy tone, trying to disguise the pain he feels. “Hey Nick, I just woke up, wanted to say hey. Anything planned?”

He sighs softly, “He doesn’t love me, why did I think he loved me? Why did I let myself…” He groans. “Stop it, Karl. Just… forget it. Forget Nick.”

_'Cause I feel like I'm losing you  
Oh, how can that be true?  
I know you want me too_

“Maybe I am losing you, Nick… maybe I messed up just a little too much, maybe when I panicked and started singing it messed everything up.”

Yeah I feel like I'm losing you  
Oh, how can that be true?  
I know you want me too

“Maybe everything is my fault, maybe I just fucked it all up like I always do, maybe that’s why you’re haunting me, kissing me in my dreams.”

He slouches back onto his bed. “Maybe that’s why everything feels so bittersweet… because it would be amazing to be yours, but I’ve pushed you too far to be able to ever claim you… maybe that’s why it has to be a dream when you say you love me…”

_How could you lie to me time and time again?_  
I'm getting tired of everything you say  
But I want you anyway 

Rubbing his eyes, he grabs his phone with his other hand. Gripping it tightly, he glances at the screen.

_Yeah I feel like I'm losing you_

“Fuck…”

The red button eyed him, teasing him, letting everything sink in.

_Oh, how can that be true?_

“No. No, no, no. This isn’t happening.”

“Press 1 to send your message. Press 2 to listen to your message.”

_I know you want me too_

“Fuck, oh my god, no I didn’t just do that!”

“Press 3 to re-record your message.”

Karl’s head spins, the panic setting in, “Oh my god, no…”

_Yeah I feel like I’m losing you_

“Press 4 to delete your message.”

His hands shaking, he taps the keypad icon, bringing up the numbers in front of him. “W-What were the options again? 1 to listen?”

“Press 0 to repeat these options.”

“Oh thank god…”

_Oh how can that be true?_

As his finger made contact with the 0, the flash of a call appeared on his screen.

“Hey, Karl, sorry I missed your call. What’s up?”

The soft echo of his friend’s voice rang through his ears. He had accidentally hung up the call.

_I know you want me too…_

The voice mail had sent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that you can follow me on Twitter @floatingeclipse to keep up with the fanfiction and become moots <3 I follow everybody back, but right now I'm on follow, like, AND retweet limit and I feel like I'm going to cry because it's for three days...
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter <3
> 
> If I'm being entirely honest, I never thought that I would get more than 100 hits on this. Now, as I'm typing this, we have 1,356. That's over 13x the amount I thought my max would be. You guys are absolutely amazing, and I seriously can't thank you enough. I love you all so much <3
> 
> Be sure to drink water and get some sleep <3 if you ever need anybody, my dms on Twitter are always open!


	7. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a chapter inspired by and using the lyrics of Joji's Sanctuary, Karl has to talk to Sapnap. During the call, and the moments after, he comes to terms yet again with how he's feeling towards his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please don't share the fic to CC's! I love you all and I can't believe we're almost at 1.7k hits!! Oh my god I love you all!! Please read the end notes! <3

_Go ahead and park after dark  
Fallen star, I’m your one call away  
Motel halls, neon walls  
When night falls, I am your escape_

“No, nonono, um…”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

_When you lay alone, I ache  
Something I wanted to feel_

“Nothing, Nick, I’m okay” he breathes out, the panic in his breath. “I was just worried because you hadn’t said anything at all and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry- fucking hell just move! Why are you going so slow?”

“Um… Nick? Are you okay?”

His voice settles back down, the soft sweet honey flowing through the phone. “Yeah, dude, I just told you I was okay.”

_If you’ve been waitin' for fallin' in love  
Babe, you don’t have to wait on me  
'Cause I've been aimin' for Heaven above  
But an angel ain't what I need_

“Alright, as long as you’re-” 

“FUCKING MOVE!! God damn it, who the fuck goes ten below the speedlimit at the fucking SEAWALL??”

“Um, if you’re busy I can go, you seem really upset at the moment-”

“Karl. It’s only noon for me. The moment I woke up, I started driving to go with some family to visit Galveston for some reason, and I’m stuck dealing with the fucking seawall. I mean how in the hell am I supposed to take a left turn here?”

Karl chuckles, “Is it that bad?”

“Do you not hear me yelling?!” His anger turns into a soft chuckle, “yeah, it’s that bad, Karl.”

Karl’s heart floods, the smile forming as his face flushes pink. “Then how about instead of taking a left turn… Take three right turns.”

The line is silent for a moment.

_Not anyone, you're the one  
More than fun, you're the sanctuary  
'Cause what you want is what I want  
Sincerity_

“Karl, you’re a fucking genius! I love you dude!”

He smiles, looking down at his feet, “I love you too, Nick.”

“I have to go, I’m almost there. I’ll take the rights.”

Karl chuckles, “Have fun!”

The quiet beeping of the phone call hanging up echoes in his ears for a few moments, as the feeling of loneliness settles in the pit of his stomach.

_Souls that dream alone lie awake  
I’ll give you somethin’ so real_

He rests his head back on his pillow, staring at the message thread. His smile growing, his face the flushed pink, as his hand brushes gently through his hair.

_If you've been waitin’ for fallin' in love  
Babe, you don't have to wait on me_

His heart stops. The voice mail. He had forgotten about the stupid voicemail. What all had he even said? He confessed his feelings.

“It’s all right there… A tap away… As soon as you press play, you’ll hear everything I’ve been holding in…”

He curses under his breath, tapping the message box.

_Hey Sap, please don’t listen to your voicemail._

After a few moments, the chime from his phone alerts his ears.

_Why? What was it?_

_I was coming up with a funny bit that would make Twitter go crazy, but I had forgotten you said no more flirting._

_I’ll listen to it dude, maybe we could still do it lmao_

Karl’s heart skips, the thought overwhelming him. What if Sapnap went along with it? What if they flirted and showed this angst online? He’d be able to get out all of his feelings while playing it off as a joke, but would that be better?

He sighs to himself, maybe it would make everything worse.

_'Cause I’ve been aimin' for Heaven above  
But an angel ain't what I need_

“I mean, you need to know how I feel… But…”

He sighs again, tossing his phone on the bed and rolling over.

“You need to know the truth, not think it’s a joke…”

As he held his pillow tightly, he felt the cool embrace of the darkness behind his eyelids wash back over him. It was as if thinking of Sapnap took him to Sapnap, a reality where they could be in love and everything would be okay.

_Hold me oh so close_  
_‘Cause you never know_  
_Just how long our lives will be_

“-love you too.”

His heart warms, the sweet sound of the words flowing through his veins.

“That’s all I’ll ever want…” he whispers, his fingers running through Sapnap’s hair again. “I just wish this could be real.”

“Do I feel real?”

Karl brushes his thumb along Nick’s jaw, gently touching his lips. “Yes…”

“Do I look real?”

He glances over the soft glow in his friend’s cheek, the sparkle in his golden brown eyes shining into his heart. “Yes…”

Sapnap presses his hand into the back of Karl’s head, pushing him back into a soft, sweet kiss. The spark flowing through his veins once more. As their lips part, his breath matches back with Nick’s, the soft whisper flowing off of his friend’s lips, “Do I taste real?”

His heart stumbles, falling to his stomach, his breath taken away. He simply nodded, his eyes glued to his friend’s lips.

“Then I’m real,” he chuckles softly, pulling Karl into a hug.

Karl’s face flushes back to the rose pink that adorns his face. His chestnut brown hair blowing in the wind, as the cold North Carolina air reddens the tip of his nose. “Then stay here with me… in North Carolina… Stay here with me and let me love you…”

“You know I can’t…. I have to go back when you wake up. But I’ll be here every time you fall asleep.”

“But how can I believe you’re real if you aren’t here with me?”

“When I kiss you, do you feel the sparks? Do the butterflies well up, making your heart skip?”

“Yeah… of course they do, Sap, why would you ask that?”

“Then I’m here. In your heart. With every breath, every heartbeat, every thought, I’ll be right here.”

“But-”

“Just close your eyes and I’m here… why do you want to think about what isn’t when you could see what is?”

He smiles softly, “I guess you’re right…”

_“If you’ve been waitin' for fallin' in love…”_

His heart skips, the voice of his friend singing shocking him.

_“Babe, you don't have to wait on me…”_

“But I’m fine with waiting on you, Sap, I’ll wait forev-”

_“'Cause I've been aimin' for Heaven above…”_

“And keep aiming… I’ll be here if you miss the shot somehow. I’ll wait.”

_“But an angel ain't what I need…”_

His voice tapers off into a whisper, “I love you, Karl.” As their lips meet again, he melts into his friend’s warm embrace, the sparks traveling through his body, as he runs his fingers through Sapnap’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to shamelessly promote my Twitter, as always: @floatingeclipse <3 Also! If you want to see some amazing art, please check out @salemcore on Twitter!! She's my best friend, an absolute king, and I hope you all enjoy her work!
> 
> To see a really cool thing me and a bunch of my friends (older and newer) got together and did with Dream's new song by starting at @pisssbbyy on Twitter and clicking the @'s in the bio's after the lyrics! There's a video that was made for it at this link: https://twitter.com/eternitwt/status/1357565782939619330?s=20
> 
> I love you all and thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy the fic!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Selene <3


	8. Driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Karl falls into a slight depression, Sapnap's worries grow stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please don't share to CC's! I've taken this fic off of account only access just this week, as I've gotten only positive feedback. I felt like more people should have access to this fic <3

A couple days passed, his dreams becoming his escape, as he continued to ignore his notifications. He had turned into a drone: wake up, eat, take a shower, sleep, repeat. He glanced at his phone, wishing he had the courage to answer the calls from his best friend.

_I got my drivers license last week,  
Just like we always talked about  
Cause you were so excited for me  
To finally drive up to your house_

The aching feeling in his heart pulled him back to his comfortable bed. If he fell asleep, he’d have Sapnap in his arms. If he fell asleep, he could ignore that Sapnap wasn’t truly by his side. If he fell asleep, he could feel his friend’s soft lips brush against his as their breath intertwined.

But that was the problem. It wasn’t real. And every single time, he would wake up from the dreams, his heart breaking more and more as he realized that he was alone.

_But today I drove through the suburbs  
Crying cause you weren’t around_

The day before, Sapnap had officially moved in with Dream. Karl sat in silence, staring at his ceiling, the jealousy and worry filling him up. Sure, Dream had a thing with George, so he really shouldn’t be so worried about it, but he still just wished he could go to sleep knowing Sapnap was with him, not Dream.

_And you’re probably with that blonde girl  
Who always made me doubt  
She’s so much older than me,  
She’s everything I’m insecure about_

_Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs,  
‘Cause how could I ever love someone else_

He groaned, skipping the song before getting up to grab a glass of water. The soft sound of the water flowing into the glass, paired with the click of the ice cubes made him feel oddly better. Like a distraction from everything around him, he gently tilted the glass to his lips.

The cool rush that flowed through his body soothed his aching heart. He didn’t have to worry, Dream and George are together, and Dream is not the type of person to cheat. In reality, Dream was a very loving and nurturing person, always paying attention to how those around him feel.  
Gently wiping away the water from his lips with the back of his hand, he slowly made the walk back to his room.

_Playing Bon Iver on late night drives  
My window, moon, and fireflies  
Holding onto moments that we found  
Even as the sun goes down_

He sighed softly, setting his glass on his nightstand. The glass clinked against the hard wood, causing the ice cubes to click together once more. He smiled softly to himself, letting the distracting sounds calm him.

_Time waits for no one…_

His lips pressed into a pout, he skipped the song.

\---------------------

“Dude, I don’t know what’s wrong. He’s been ignoring my calls and texts, he just skipped Driver’s License and then listened to most of Bon Iver and skipped it… do you think he’s okay?”

Sapnap’s worried voice caused Dream to sigh.

“Nick, have you ever thought that maybe he gave you hints as to why he’s upset?”

“What do you mean by that? If he told me, I’d know.”

“Look, I sometimes have to go through this with George, I know boyfriends better than you.”

“We’re not dating!” He throws his arms up, groaning at the suggestion of him and his best friend being together. “Just because you two are all happy together doesn’t mean that I’m with Karl. He’s my best friend, I love him to death, but we’re just friends.”

“And that’s all you’ll ever be?”

For some odd reason, the question didn’t sit right in his heart. He stood there, furrowed brows, his mouth open for a moment. As he took a breath, he sighed. “Yeah, that’s all we’ll ever be.”

“Let me guess. Your throat feels dry, your heart feels heavy, and you feel the urge to call him again.”

His voice is hesitant, almost as if it’s scared to escape from his lips. “...How’d you know?”

“Because I’ve been there. So come on, he keeps skipping Bon Iver, right?”

“Yeah,” he sighs, finally letting himself sit back down on the soft, white couch. “He used to love that song, ya know?” His voice is a soft mumble, the worry flooding his tone.

“Have you listened to it?”

“Only small parts…”

“Maybe the lyrics are why he’s upset.” Dream smiles softly, knowing exactly what the song says. “Maybe that’s your hint you’re missing.”

“That’s dumb, Karl always tells me everything.”

“Okay, fine, we won’t talk about that then.” He leans forward, looking Sapnap dead in the eye, a more serious tone in his voice. “When did he start skipping it? What did you guys talk about that day?”

He glances at his friend, smiling softly. Replaying the conversation in his mind, he told Dream.

\---------------------

_“And all my friends are tired  
Of hearing how much I miss you, but  
I kinda feel sorry for them  
'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do”_

Sapnap’s soft singing melted Karl’s heart. Being held in his friend’s arms like this, looking up at the stars on the beach. A small breeze blows past, causing Karl to shiver. Sapnap wraps his arms around his friend, kissing him on the forehead.

_“Today I drove through the suburbs  
And pictured I was driving home to you”_

Karl smiled softly, looking up into his friend’s eyes. “Do you think the real you misses me?”

He chuckles, gently rubbing his hands through Karl’s hair. “Are you kidding me? Look how much I try to contact you. Of course I do.”

Karl nuzzles his head into Sapnap’s chest, their body warmth keeping the North Carolina breeze away.

_“And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one”_

Karl frowns, looking up at his friend. “Can you not sing the rest… I know it was playing earlier, but the song is sad, and I really don’t want to mess things up with you.”

“Does that mean you’re finally going to talk to me when you’re awake?”

He looks away, wanting to say be able to say yes, but his mind clouds with doubt and worry.

“Look, Karl.” He smiles, tilting his friend’s head back to him. “I know that you want to just stay here, where you have comfort knowing I’m not leaving. It’s just… try, okay? You don’t have to tell me you love me, you don’t have to do any of that. Just talk to me when you wake up, okay? Tell me you’re okay. I know I’m probably worried out there in the real world. Just do it, for me?”

He sighs, resting his head back on Sapnap’s chest. Smiling, he nuzzles closer once more, “For you, I’d do anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much!! Thank you so freaking much for hitting 2k hits, I seriously can't comprehend it... You guys are so amazing! As always, I'm going to share that my Twitter is @floatingeclipse that way you guys can interact with me and become friends <3
> 
> I'm so thankful for all of you; watching this fanfiction grow from absolutely nothing has seriously made 2021 start off with such a blast. I love you and appreciate you all!! <3


	9. Feathery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After facing Sapnap in his dreams, now Karl has to face him in real life.
> 
> This chapter is based around Feathery by Milky Chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill, don't share to CC's!

_They came along and washed my soul so easy  
High above myself, but I could hear them anyway  
The wind is taking them away so feathery  
To show them all the places they can reach_

He grumbles softly to himself, rolling over in his bed. The music rushing into his ears, he covers his head with a pillow. “I just want to go back to Sapnap…”

_And it's not too far for them to go and leave  
Me all alone like there is no guarantee for such a dream  
And they bequeath me a black feather on the way  
And I say: "yes, I am a dreamer and these feathers  
They won't stay"_

The music won’t let him fall back into the comforting depths of his mind, surrounded by his friend’s arms. He sits up, rubbing his eyes awake. Tiredly, he climbs out of his bed, lugging his weight to the kitchen sink.

_And I will try  
Try to hold you  
With my arms around your heart  
Even though love is going to kill me  
I will try_

He fills a glass with water, running his fingers through his hair as he takes a sip of it. Sighing softly, he trudges to the bathroom, turning on the water in his shower.

_And I will try  
Try to hold you  
With my arms around your heart  
Even though love is going to kill me  
I will try_

Looking in the mirror at himself, he notices the bags under his eyes have gotten worse; his malnutrition slowly setting in.

Setting his phone down, letting the music continue to play, he steps into the shower.

_They came along and washed my soul so easy  
High above myself, but I could hear them anyway  
The wind is taking them away so feathery  
To show them all the places they can reach_

The cool water rushes down his skin, washing away the worries that hold heavy in his heart. He remembered what he told Sapnap in his dream; he’d talk to him today and let him know he’s okay. Cleaning the shampoo out of his hair, the sound of a message comes through abruptly, scaring him.

_And it's not too far for them to go and leave  
Me all alone like there is no guarantee for such a dream  
And they bequeath me a black feather on the way  
And I say: "yes, I am a dreamer and these feathers  
They won't stay"_

As he goes to rub his eyes, the shampoo on his fingers burns him, causing him to yell out in pain. “Oh my god why did I-”

_And I will try  
Try to hold you  
With my arms around your heart  
Even though love is going to kill me  
I will try_

He sighs softly, trying to get his eyes to stop burning as he finishes up his shower. Drying off the cool water from his skin, the refreshing shower left him already feeling a bit better about the day.

_And I will try  
Try to hold you  
With my arms around your heart  
Even though love is going to kill me  
I will-_

The music is quickly interrupted by the sudden ringing of his phone. Throwing his towel over his shoulder, he grabbed his phone to see Sapnap’s name on the screen. Looking in the mirror again at himself, he presses answer and puts his phone to his ear as he walks back to the room.

“Hey…”

“You answered! Dream, Karl answered!”

A faint voice on the other line echoed into his ears, but he couldn’t quite make out what was said. As he sits on his bed, he sighs softly. “I’m sorry for worrying you…”

\---------------------

Sapnap smiled at the sound of his friend’s voice. “No, it’s okay, whatever you needed to be away for I understand.”

“Can we… talk?” The anxiety in Karl’s voice rang through the line, making Sapnap’s voice waver.

“Um, yeah sure. Let me get to my room so we can be alone.” Dream meets Sapnap’s eyes with a smile. He rolls his eyes, pushing past him as he closes the door behind him, smiling to himself.

“I’ve just been going through a lot, honestly… mentally, of course.”

He pauses, nervous about his friend finally opening up about it all. “Are you sure you’re okay with telling me this?”

“Yeah, I actually kind of promised you that I would… in a sense.”

Karl’s soft chuckle made Sapnap smile and feel at ease. “What do you mean? You didn’t talk to me about this yet-”

“Well, yeah. Not you, but a dream version of you? I don’t know, I just keep having this same dream again and again and it’s just me and you here in North Carolina, but you told me in my dream last night to talk to you today.”

Trying to take it all in, Sapnap stays silent. After a few moments, he speaks up again. “Karl, I was going to play some games with everybody else, do you want to join? Take your mind off of everything?”

“Sure, I’d love to…”

They start off by playing Gartic Phone, entirely cackling at how crazy everything ends up getting twisted. They move over to Jackbox, with Mad Verse City followed by Monster Seeking Monster, Champ’d Up, Push the Button, Murder Trivia Party, Talking Points, and ending with Quiplash.

The whole day goes by before they know it, and everybody heads off.

“That was fun, thank you Sap.”

“Of course dude, anything to cheer you up.”

\---------------------

His heart skips a beat as he thinks through his words.

“Sapnap, I-” he takes a deep breath, swallowing down his anxiety.

“What is it Karl?”

Without thinking, he says everything that he’s been holding in. A nervous mess, he tells Sapnap about his dreams, about how he’s liked him for so long but couldn’t tell him, about how the voicemail wasn’t a joke, but just a mess up. He tells him about how he had to get away from everybody because he couldn’t handle being near his friend without being able to tell him how he feels, and how he hasn’t been out of bed much because the dreams with him are his safe space.

After everything is said, and Karl takes a breath, silence rings out. In a worrying panic, he realizes what he just did.

“I-I’m sorry that was stupid, just forget about it.”

“Karl, I-”

“Goodnight, Sapnap.”

He hangs up the call.

\---------------------

He stares at the call, the grey images of the group, with him all alone.

“I love you too…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :] because of a lot of issues that I've had lately, my @ for Twitter is now @smileytubbo (though I do check account creation and such before accepting followers). I'm okay though, don't worry!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, even my proof reader doesn't get to read the end until he reads it here! I love you all and thank you so much for the overwhelming support I mean we're almost at 2.5k reads!! I love you guys!! <3


	10. I Saw You In A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Karl's confession, Sapnap has to figure out how he feels about it all. Meanwhile, Karl's dreams have changed and he struggles to figure out what he should do.
> 
> This chapter is inspired by and uses the lyrics to I Saw You in a Dream by The Japanese House (Olive aka @OliveNotAGamer on Twitter aka my twin flame is the one who sent me this song!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You already know the gist; don't share to CC's <3
> 
> Please read the end notes!

The knock on Dream’s bedroom door sounded like an echoing thunder to Sapnap’s ears. As he stood there, trying to process everything, he heard the shuffling of his friend walking over towards him. As the door opens, a tired Dream looks into his eyes, nodding and beckoning for him to come inside. They both sit on the side of the bed, Sapnap's eyes glued to the floor.

“What happened, Nick?” Dream’s voice sounds distant but close, like he’s right there but Sapnap is somewhere else.

“He… he told me he loved me. But not just as friends, he told me all of these things and…”

“Do you love him too?”

“I don’t know… I think I do?”

Dream shifts slightly, placing his hand on Sapnap’s back. “The way you talk about him makes me think you do, but that’s really for you to figure out on your own.”

“He makes me so happy, Clay… What if I do something that just… messes it all up?”

“Like what?”

“Like what if I tell him I love him too and then we end up together and we have an argument or something and then I lose him? Or-”

“You definitely love him,” Dream chuckles softly, smiling at his friend.

“You think so?”

“At this point, I know so.”

“Well…” he finally looks up in his friend’s eyes. “What do I do?”

“Tell him. You already know how he feels, so the fear of rejection can’t bother you. Go call him and tell him you love him too.”

“But I-”

“No. You’ve got this Nick, you’re going to do fine.”

He smiles softly at his friend, thanking him for letting him talk about his boy problems. As he walks back into his room, closing the door behind him, he stares at Karl’s contact; the selfie they took together when they met making him smile more.

\---------------------

The ringing phone pierces his ears, a pain aching in his heart. As he declines the call, he rolls back over, letting his Spotify shuffle continue to play.

_I saw you in a dream  
You had stayed the same  
You were beckoning me  
Said that I had changed  
Tried to keep my eyes closed  
I want you so bad  
Then I awoke and it was so sad_

As he drifts softly to sleep, he finds himself back on the beach. Looking around, he sees a figure standing on the edge of the water. As he walks towards the figure, he smiles to himself; here he could have Sapnap. Here, he didn’t have to acknowledge the truth.

But as he reached the figure, he found it wasn’t his friend. “Where’s Nick? He’s usually here…”

The figure looks over to him, “You already confessed your feelings for him, there’s no reason he should be here anymore.”

“What? But I want to dream of him, of us, I don’t want to lose my dreams just because I told my feelings.”

“You confessed, though. The reason he was here was because you weren’t being true to yourself; you were holding in how you felt which caused you to doubt. That doubt formed the dreams of you two.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because now your doubt isn’t with Nick; it’s with yourself.”

Looking at him felt like looking in a mirror, but the words were jumbling in his mind and he couldn’t understand what the other Karl meant.

“How do I get him back? How do I fix this?”

The other Karl looks back over at him, “Confront him.”

His eyes opening quickly, Karl groans, holding his pillow close to him. He didn’t want to confront him; he knew what would happen. He knew he messed up and that Sapnap would reject him and everything would be awkward now because he did this.

_All good things come to an end  
But I thought that this might last  
But you came and left so fast  
When I'm awake I can't switch off  
It isn't the same but it is enough_

He tried countless more times to dream of Sapnap, but every time just led him back to the other Karl, where he repeated that he needs to confront his friend. Confront him about what happened, give Sapnap a chance to respond, and then things will be okay.

But Karl couldn’t accept that; his dreams of his friend are gone, and soon his friend will be too.

_I saw you in a dream  
Then it came to an end  
I wonder if you'll come visit me again  
You're taking your time to reappear  
I'm starting to believe that when I call your name  
You just don't hear me anymore  
And I know that I shouldn't even try  
It's a waste of time_

He sighed to himself, grabbing his phone. As he glances at the notifications, he sees a message from Sapnap. _Hey Karl, please call me when you can, I need to talk to you_

He stares at the message as the three mysterious dots pop up; his friend typing another sentence for him to read and ache over.

_Karl, if you’re already asleep, then goodnight and sleep well_

He sighs softly as another ding rings through his ears. The purple heart on his phone screen made his heart flutter, it made the hope well back up. Maybe that meant things were okay, that things didn’t have to be bad right now; maybe he didn’t mess up.

His fingers hover over the call button for a few moments, but he smiles to himself and takes a deep breath; dream Sapnap and dream Karl wouldn’t lead him wrong.

“Hey,” Karl breathes out, his heart pounding in his ears.

\---------------------

Before he can respond, Karl continues talking. “I’m sorry for putting all of that on you, it wasn’t right, it was a lot and I probably made you really uncomfortable and I-”

“Karl, please-”

“No I need to apologize and-”

“Can I please talk?”

“Oh… um, yeah, sorry.”

Sapnap chuckles to himself, “You don’t have to apologize, Karl.” He takes a deep breath. “I think it was the day I talked about you on stream; the day where you accidentally had yours still on. I think that was the day I realized that I liked you.”

He smiles to himself, biting his lip as his cheeks grow warm. “I don’t know what it was, Karl, but something about saying that about you made me think that maybe there was something more that could be here… I kept doubting myself, saying we’re just friends and that’s all, but you telling me how you felt just sold it for me.”

The silence on the other end of the line makes him grow more anxious; worried that maybe Dream was wrong and he shouldn’t be saying this.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… I love you too, Karl… With all of my heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I just wanted to say we hit 2.8k and that is INSANE. I know every single chapter I talk about a new goal that we hit, but it's because this is progressing so fast and I can't believe that we're actually doing this well!
> 
> I'd also like to give credit to my *drumroll* BOYFRIEND Dan! He's been helping me this whole time by proof reading/editing the fanfic and I owe a lot of credit to him!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the tremendous support throughout this! At this time, I think there will only be ONE more chapter left, as I don't have any ideas of how to continue it past that. Plus, I don't want it to feel like a chore or feel like it's dragging on in any way. This has been so fun to create so far <3 I love you all and appreciate all of you!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing serious fanfiction in a while, so please be a bit lenient with me. I fully accept constructive criticism, so don't be afraid to tell me if you think that I need to work in an area. Any kind of feedback will be absolutely amazing. Thank you! <3


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